Home>Latest Shows>>BJ & Jamie - The Silent treatment. (6/18)

BJ & Jamie - The Silent treatment. (6/18)

Jun 18, 2014|

Turns out that the silent treatment is more dangerous than you may think... could even make you sick and soft!


Automatically Generated Transcript (may not be 100% accurate)

Jamie why I feel like about the lay down on your therapy couch. Just because I find it interesting that you guys out of all the trouble I know. -- the longest without speaking to each other the silent treatment in your relationship does that lead. There's a study that came out in everybody's talking about it it's all about the silent treatment how damaging it is to the relationship this silent treatment. More at Kabul it says is a predictor of divorce. It says is what a limo did imaging business cycles you could ever get into. In a relationship. And Winger was more what this is crazy. Are you ready wait for that -- and -- it says the damage is emotional and physical when you guys you know -- when you two don't dock price and so -- as the damages emotional and physical. I they resurgence found people engaged in a demand withdrawal pattern which is what you do like she was to talk about her feelings run and you walk away on because that is so common. You know. And yeah I got like that rang and they go walk away you know as that happened a lot of time on what a talent. Because you just you don't like confrontation. Don't like confrontation. You started when I was a little kid let let alone was apparently now known to -- and you know there are a lot of blight can disturbances in my house. And as between my stepfather my mother in the I would try to hide under the bed I have an obligation. That -- you feel scared. I really didn't know is scared me as a kid. And I think to this day I just avoid all conversations that have any to do with the engine to do confrontation. Because it's just sold. Disturbing to me. It sure is that demand would drop pattern is is when most common -- that happens all the time. And what happens is one partner repeatedly approaches the other. Allegedly -- Think things I need to talk about as we are pleased about -- -- -- -- -- can we talk I need to talk to you when she does. That and whether for asking for attention or changed or even getting criticism like TJ I don't like that checked in. -- -- -- you know whenever this. Assuring them are sure to just be hypothetical and I'd like to share from column and then what you do is you immediately -- are silence. You know do yep I walk out -- that makes her are frustrated and -- more demanding he made her more demanding does your fault. And then you know retreat even further because she's like you becoming more demanding. And becomes a vicious cycle why isn't this story that it's always the woman who has your stuff together. He she soon wants to talk console always the guy who doesn't wanna talk what -- I just waited a gradual ascent of the answer but he didn't. The analysts say that I usually -- that partner making the demand is typically a woman. Women love to talk things out today well the one -- is drying is typically a man because men preferred to process feelings. Alone so it's our species it's it's just the way we are DNA. It's a day and Friday to IKEA he'll open it. Yeah it can't point the finger -- me because my guys that you're not resolving anything by locking away with a silent to not get it done I have three levels okay -- of silent treatment at first of all if things get just a little bit like OK I don't wanna deal deal would this. I got to move on -- just please stop stop stop. I turn -- TV. Which hole just to give a list of aids you know enhance a -- standout moments I remember Watson and let me preface by this what I do is completely wrong. The answers to sit down calmly and talk things out good man Vijay he's just not that's all that. A -- Davy Crockett a trip to TV. In that does his own room at that we've talked about as I looked at as the brooding. It can't work if that doesn't work how would it work and as a starting want to update ever to get the -- on the number two is that I'll pretend like it's time to take the dogs out. I'll let me look I mean you guys are let's go let's go to -- -- side to side and she still sitting there are talking. And Obama. -- idea and I saw while Sonoma isolated I'm alone outside right now. So that's weren't so I kinda. Want to do that. Sliding glass doors she left the room laugh. Watching Diana again. This is all. I'm having some therapy here OK II I'm I'm voicing exactly what happens I'm not proud of that night is who I am and then I can be a real -- about gas and I don't mean to adjust I mean. Terrified of confrontation. So I do that that's might disperse. Sect of the third but -- and rendering and 33 one has I'll just completely leave the room go to don't know the room -- door and lock. We do you plan on solving the problems -- -- -- different fourth. Not for what the ultimate when you re Steve asked in things like well you like okay. Right like. This in the well when I like he went there I'd go to buy a car -- -- -- live in the moment and I literally to leave the. Well of course. Yeah it's steady you guys you screwed because Leo. Because he. Because you know what happens when you do that the person making the demands. Feels a -- -- him. If he -- fill them back into -- you don't even care about are feeling when you do that. I didn't care. It's just don't hear that there's a whole thing about how you should address it home and I'll have a Venetian on the Internet Elissa I Larry -- part of it is is really Britain received does that affect you -- It says the damage is emotional and physical researchers found people who engaged in a demand to withdraw pattern. Had lower relationship satisfaction. -- intimacy. Poor communication with their partner -- they showed personality changes such as a less agreeable list that is so you're not agreeable and no -- agree at all more aggression. Who are eroticism. Now awake -- eroticism. They're out of -- run out of all the neurotic and Iraqi. They even had psychological problems including impaired immune systems urinary and Al pro. -- ranks highly dysfunctional market. Lot how and this time it hit the red is what you would surge talk and maybe get you to pop your really. Many are you would look back -- the -- your own. -- I think this is helped me. I really do I think I'm starting to see myself where released him but I know what your problem and that you don't need that that see Alice. No you just need to stop -- it in housing a couple of really like not as certain can you not like I'm always afraid that. If it lasts for hours or more you got to -- -- by the way we did that for Portland snake dies does -- all my god. Best of his ridiculous back to that -- -- -- for sport now uh huh -- push forward. Clinton is that's about it but I did see the what are paragraph can I bring this up yesterday in this just in my defense and I'm not trying to start a fight here OK just in my defense and for every guy in. -- what we're talking about here there are sold many couples that -- in the same. The exact thing as this survey says a fraud is the way -- art it's the way women are. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- As well it's it's -- sure -- of divorce. It says it is and it has to sell horrible for you because one you are demanding attention and the Ireland is like I'm not talking. This lady in the story says things changed when she did this. She adjusted her own and -- -- The tone of her voice she brought it down I'm never did get angry no sarcasm no sarcasm -- but her body. No sorry okay I'm giving you a few roles to play by the got a split roles so you may be a high enough on -- sarcasm yeah. Let me back up -- -- small she just did her added. It's just take it attitudes I. Yeah ours amnesty and that voted your voice Jamie the sarcasm that you use in yeah -- don't want body language. Hold more eye rolling women. No more I really when you know there's not such a thing women you can't do it stopped doing when we go to fix something -- it falls off the wall. You can't roll a little -- -- -- -- -- That to us out of this what I did it. Then it is a smirk -- an -- And the rolling underneath your idol and what we'll do what I keep my clothes they said there ice up rolling -- you can see your eyelids movie. -- was. Now at all times no matter how upset you are you must remain. Call. No throwing things. Even if you're upset furious. You have to remain. Home. If you want him to talk. And I guess the other things you can do that against the other one is. An island called me -- So he can call -- -- -- -- -- -- called me can come selfish rude and and caring. And you can't bring -- past. -- Passed right hash out problems either but it -- grilled -- into this I I do like this it's not a million cheered all innocent page. It does say that everybody has to be calm and at the top Clinton if she's debating and talking and you're -- man you need to tell I'll be back in fifteen minutes so you can Levy did you have tell you be back from his fitness center. Yet so so if you -- I like this okay so if I say I look look. And this is not going where I needed to go right now my head needs to be cleared -- I need about three days I'll be back. Three -- what I put up a began how did you guys go Valentine had like ten days of silent treatment about talking to you wouldn't say I've never seen anybody to people be so those stubborn. Wearing neither one of them would give me give you -- -- saying. And the deal as is is I've done that before. You know prior relationships and so it's me it really is make because she's willing to talk I -- I -- I don't know if you so. -- -- -- she's ready to talk at any time and let's just see where we are now we get this and she wants answers my problem -- I had never have a -- an answer. How do you do a similar team effort into me me how do you do. What's it like that's in Spain. No wonder he can't you know -- was a lot of baseball. Season is tumor out how booed. When I was still an -- oh. Tuned out she's trying to deal. His -- and after about the second day. I listened to try to get to get so much work to do the silently after what I still -- -- it is for a judge is -- you what it over -- the you don't wanna be that person that breaks the ice because there you've given in. I'm telling is -- You know what my problem I know let's hi no I'm serious you don't wanna be the person that gives and -- that he's showed that here we -- And it showed that that person's in control and I then. They wore on I don't come through when you -- -- -- can't get you know. No I don't idiot that now but my first instinct is to concede make things better at pocket now -- where. I'll tell you yeah that's that's not writes oh yeah winner everyone has a live there. Is this the best thing you can dig -- now not. Not last over here and -- look at us. -- -- -- -- Warnings on Dallas 105 now.